So here’s the thing – there are a lot of people out there who have no idea what it takes to finally become a fully licensed and practicing physician – I am doing my best to remedy this with a nice little explanation page about that particular topic.  Look over there to the right… see where it says "Dr. Jill – The Journey" under "Pages"?  Well, you can click on that for a nice (though a tad bit lengthy) explanation.  Please let me know if anything is unclear so I can try to update it with a better explanation.

It has been too long since I’ve written anything.  Right now I am sitting in the conference room over on 2 West – the Inpatient Geriatric Psychiatry Unit – where I am currently finishing up week one out of six for my Psychiatry rotation.  I was really scared to start here… because of it being pyschiatry, because of it being geriatrics… I didn’t know what to expect.  But I have been pleasantly surprised by my experiences here.  The patients, though obviously in need of some kind of assistance (otherwise they wouldn’t be in the hospital) have all been realtively easy to interact with and very open to talking to me.  I feel like I am helping, even if it’s just by being a listening ear – which may be one of the more effective ways for me to help.

I would write more, but I have to get ready to present my patients at Attending Rounds.  I’ll try to get some more thoughts down over the rest of this weekend.  Oh, and I want to get my Valentine’s Day pictures up soon – A.J. and I had a -shaped pizza for dinner! 🙂

and that is something I’ve been realizing over and over again: I have to do things for myself – for my own reasons, so I will be content – and not just to make other people happy. The case in point right now is my little journey into obstetrics and toying with the possibility of changing career plans. My biggest drive for considering the change and for seriously thinking about OB/GYN was that someone else thought it would be a good idea. And that someone was very persistent, and very complimentary, and telling her that I was considering OB made her happy – which in turn made me happy. So the thought of actually becoming an OB/GYN doctor was never really something that sparked a fire under me. But the thought of someone liking me, encouraging me, being happy because of something I was doing – that did spark a fire. 🙂 Today I’m going to my continuity clinic at Cardinal Glennon – and I will tell you that seeing all the kids there and being their "doctor", that really gets me and that is really what I want to do. Even if I do have a knack for surgery, being in the OR doesn’t excite me, not enough to make a career out of it. It’s just hard to tell that to someone who obviously is excited by the OR… This entry is a bit discombobulated, sorry for that. I’ve got my OB/GYN final exam next week then I move on to Psych (and hopefully a little more sleep). I am tired.

If anyone is paying attention to the timestamp on this entry, you’ll notice that it is just past 3AM here in St. Louis as I sit in the resident’s room on the St. John’s Mercy Medical Center Labor and Delivery Unit. I am nearly done with my week of nights here (working 7pm to 7am) and it has been…hmm.. what is the appropriate adjective to finish this sentence?

Awesome? It has definitely been that – I’ve seen vaginal births, cesarean births, emergency cesareans, twin births… I’ve gotten to deliver a placenta and co-deliver a baby. It has definitely been awesome.

Exhausting? That it has been as well. Working nights throws off everything about my internal schedule. All I do is work and sleep – because once I get home (by about 8-8:30am) I have to go straight to bed to get my 7-8 hours of sleep before I get up and head right back to the hospital. When I’m working days I can at least watch some TV… have a meal… spend some time with AJ… or at least relax a little before I sleep, but I just can’t find the time to do that right now. At least I only have 1 more night after this one.

Confusing? A little, yes. I really like OB and one of the chief residents here is laying it on thick about how good I would be as an OB – how I really "get" the surgery aspects and how she thinks I would excel in something surgical. I haven’t given up my pediatrics ambitions (and I don’t think I will), but this is the first rotation that has given me a reason to stop and think about what I want to do with my life as a doctor. The residency is longer, the hours would be worse… but would I like it more?

Anyway – tonight has been pretty slow, giving me time to catch up on reading and try to study a little for a quiz I have in the morning (read: at the end of this 12 hour shift when I have to go back to school – without sleeping first – and take a quiz and attend 4 hours of lecture). I will be sad when my 2 weeks on labor and delivery is over, but it will be nice to sleep again. 🙂